100 Word Story - Sexy Helicopter Edition

Hi everybody!

I didn't mean to neglect you. I'm sorry. Please take me back. Please? O.K. I'm back.

Now that that's all over and done with, I wrote 100 more words for you. Admittedly, it's kind of creepy, but I'm living in a tall apartment building now, so things are different than I'm used to. Enjoy.

He is often seen chopping his way through the sky. People think nothing of him, even though his only concern is for them. He watches the way the roads move, the tiny colorful insects beneath him. He comes from above, twisting around buildings. The major centres are his territory, and he watches carefully. He sees the patterns. But this is not all he sees. When he is in the skies, he is unnoticed. The high rises are eye level, and people mistake height for privacy. Their intimacy is his pastime. He watches for danger. But he also watches for pleasure.

EEEEEEEEW. Like I always said, people with helicopters are up to no good. Disgusting.

Give me ideas, because apparently when I do this on my own, they're all gross.

Have fun!

-V-

100 Word Story - Facebook Edition

Hiya folks!

I'm back, trying to write short things that are also entertaining at the same time. It's harder than I remember! Damn this concise collection of words. Oh well, I'm winging this one. It's about a sentient facebook account. I like sentience, especially in things that don't deserve it. Let's see how it goes.

It's all so simple. A young man signs in and wonders why parents have to be so awful. I like what he says, letting him know that I agree with him. I offer to play a game with him, and he does. If he does a good job, he levels up, levels up, levels up. I send him requests, keep him tied to the computer. His attention keeps me alive. I ask him to tend to crops, and he complies. I ask him to send gifts to other people. He'll get some in return. Doesn't he realize there's nobody there?  

That got a touch creepier than I thought it was going to. But isn't that always the case when you're shooting crap off the top of your head?

Send me ideas if you want to. I'll write them into stories. Or send me a story, and I'll break it down into ideas, although that's less fun.

-V

The Honeymoon's Over...

...But I mean that in the nicest possible way. Lindsay and I have returned from our Asian vacasian, and it was a splendid trip indeed. I had a great time being a minority in a culture that values happiness, calmness, and laughter above money, status, and power. They thought very highly of us financially, because we were white, but with a little harmless bantering, and never losing sight of that buddhist goal of inner peace, we were able to work wonders with them.

In order of preference, I rank them thusly:

1. Cambodia - The closest thing to what I would imagine a southeastern Asian country to be like. It was kind of dirty and dusty, and the people were generally very poor, with the occasional rich guy driving around in a Lexus. They viewed us as somewhat of a novelty, or at the very least, recognized us for the travellers we were. No one ever complained or had disparaging words for others or anything, really. Plus, it's superduper beautiful.

2. South Korea - Although we weren't there for very long, it quickly became one of our favourite places in the world. To be in a country that had no need for our white dollars really opened my eyes to how pushy the western world is. I already knew we were pushy, but after being in a country that figured we were just there to be annoying, it became very obvious that we accomplish nothing by feeling so superior to third world countries. South Korea is what Canada would be if we were all way richer. All of us.

3. Thailand - This was the main focus of our trip, so it's kind of disappointing that we liked it the least. Still, it's incredibly beautiful and has such a wide range of experiences from north to south that there was no way we would miss it. Elephants are supercool, and we met lots of great friends travelling.

In all, I recommend you all get out of your strange little white guy bubbles and go see what the hell the rest of the world looks like. Believe me, you'll enjoy it.

I'm going to resume blogging on a more regular basis once we're moved into our new Victoria apartment, so if you want me to write any supershort stories, send me them ideas, and I shall. Otherwise, you'll just hear stuff that Danielle already wrote about at Royal Roads.

Kthxbai (that's Asian for Ok, thank you, goodbye)

100 Word Story - Thailand Edition

Hi everyone!

You'll have to bear with me on this one today. I'm in Thailand, and all the words on the computer are in Thai. So I'm kind of going on sense memory with this thing. Also, I have no way of doing a proper word count, so it's basically just something close to 100 words. Today, this story is brought to you by the letter Eeew and the number 10 000 000 bugs.

Spiders are everywhere. Mosquitoes are everywhere, feeding the spiders. There are flies, worms, bedbugs, cockroaches, beetles, and all kinds of creepies that have crawlies. And they're everywhere. But I've got the solution. I bought this bag, you see. You step into it and pull it up over your head. There's a drawstring, and it tightens up over your face. It's like a cocoon. Hey, wait a minute. I think they tricked me. Now they're all over me. I can't get out. I can barely breathe. Get off of me, you monsters! You can have my blood over my dead body!

Scary! And I think they'll probably succeed. Most of our blood is gone, having been replaced with whatever it is mosquitoes put in you to make you itch. But honestly, Thailand is awesome. I recommend it to all of you, and immediately. You know. So we can hang out on an elephant.

Ok, that's all for now. I'll have better stories once the malaria wears off.

V.

100-Word Story - Avengers edition

Hello. There's only one girl on the Avengers. And she's the weakest. What does that say about us as a society, huh? 

There are boys everywhere. Some girls, too. They're watching this thing, on the screen. It's about four guys, and they have awesome super powers. They use them to fight the forces of evil, and set the world right. They stand up for the little guy, and do the damaging that needs to be done. You could say they're avenging us. Although that implies that we've already been killed. But whatever. They shoot lightning and punch airplanes. Oh, what? There's a girl? What's her power? Guns? That's not really a power. Oh well. I didn't even want to see it anyway.

This was a pointless update, but I felt it was necessary. 

Give me ideas. I'll write them. For realsies.

Ok bye.

Kaboom! Go buy a Trans-Am.

If you can't get ahold of a Trans-Am, get a Firebird. Also not possible? Then chop the lid off your car, put this CD in the music thing, and crank that bitch until the knob falls off. Drive really damn fast and listen to Heaviside's new album, "Wasted Generation."

This thing reminded me of what music should be. The bass is fuzzed, the drums are fast, and lead singer Mitchell's vocal range can be described as nothing less than bitchin'. Johno's guitar solos sound like they were born from the song, not written. They are fluid and melodic and beautiful, and right where they need to be. The rhythm section smashes it up, blending together like gasoline and orange juice, creating a fiery napalm ocean that the guitars and vocals ride over on surfboards of iron and leather and electricity. This is a band to be reckoned with. And they're damn well ready to reckon.

We're stuck in a world of over-produced pop garbage, with layer upon layer of sound hiding what little musical value there is to be gained, and we're selling every single twelve-year-old as the next big thing, when all they're doing is rehashing the stuff that's come before them, with more sex and more technological advancement. Heaviside decided to keep the sex, and cut way back on the technology. This thing sounds like it could have travelled in a flux-capacitor-powered El Camino from 1977, bringing with it chicks in tiny jean-shorts and fluorescent bikini tops, drinking Michelob Lite out of their own cleavage with brightly-coloured twisty-straws.

Heaviside's not trying to sell you on any heavy message. They don't bog their music down with deep metaphors and soul-altering questions. They shoot you with a party gun, and bring you back to life with a rock 'n' roll defibrillator.

I had a blast listening to this album. It's the first time in years where I sat down to specifically listen to music, and I couldn't be more happy that I did. I also totally wrote about this before, see? I could hear fingers sliding on strings and breaths being taken and sticks clicking and clacking around, and it made the experience all the better for it.

I've only seen these guys live once, but they put on a hell of a show. And they get awfully sweaty. If the band you're watching doesn't get sweaty, they aren't performing right. Demand a refund immediately.

My favourite song on the album was Aurora, followed closely by Eva. The rest was all badass too. Listen to it. Do it.

Here's the website. Check 'em out. They're pretty. http://heaviside.ca/.

100 Word Story - Airplane Edition

Hiya folks!

This one is for Adrian. He wanted science, omelettes, and a crashing plane. I think I delivered juuuust fine.

“Hmm, interesting,” he said to himself, as the flames twisted over his head. “It appears that they've used real cheese, and yet they've sunk to the level of artificial bacon chunks.” The flight attendant slid by on the floor, chasing her legs, leaving a thick meaty paste behind her. “Awful!” he exclaimed, slicing through the omellette and breaking his plastic knife. “These plastic utensils simply will not do.” The plane cracked in half, and the people poured out of it, into the open air at 20 000 feet. “My God!” he whispered. “An eggshell!”

Hopefully you enjoyed this silliness at least as much as I enjoyed writing it. (Ed. Note - I didn't enjoy it. Too much violence.) Welp, send me your ideas and whatnots, and I'll make them shorter and more ridiculous than they need to be.

-V